Self-Love by Devi B. Dillard-Wright

Author:Devi B. Dillard-Wright
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Adams Media
Published: 2021-01-12T00:00:00+00:00

Choose Your Affinities Carefully

Identification is, of course, identification with an other, which means that identity is never identical to itself.

—Douglas Crimp, queer theorist

We make ourselves through a process of networking with people and groups with whom we identify socially, politically, religiously, or in some other relation. What is called the “self” is a network-in-process, a cobbled-together assemblage of affinities. When you form alliances through coercion, you experience fear and alienation. When you form alliances through love and respect, you experience satisfaction. It can be difficult to sort through your own motivations, to turn a spotlight on your choices to see why you choose particular affinities. Deep reflection allows you to understand the push and pull at work behind the scenes—the forces of attraction and repulsion that make you who you are. Self-love means deliberately choosing the kind of affinities that will help you express yourself more fully and grow in the direction you would like to grow. Surround yourself with those who encourage you in your dreams and shine a light on what is worth loving about you. Avoid those who only make you question your worth.

TAKING ACTION

Make a list of your affinities: people you admire, your favorite places, the books and music you like, etc. Put it all together in the form of a big web diagram, with connections between the different parts. It might look like an investigation board in a detective movie by the end.

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